Received an e-mail from my good friend Justin, who shall henceforth be referred to as the “yun’ ball coach” (YBC) and always, whether reading aloud or silently to yourself, in the voice of Keith Jackson, regarding his Week 5 picks. I decided to get on the ball a day early this week, and make my own. It’s a tough week, going down the line, every game looks more tantalizing yet more difficult than the next. It reminds me of the stellar climax to Killer Klowns from Outer Space where the film’s heroes are trying to escape said killer klowns’ funhouse themed spaceship.
“Another door?! Another door?!” (repeat ad infitum while opening increasingly smaller doors.)
Texas A&M @
Colorado -3
The Yun’ Ball Coach likes Colorado here. I like the boys from Ag. & Mech. When Colorado beat Oklahoma St. last week it was the first time a Big XII North team had beat a team from the South (that wasn’t Michael Johnson’s alma mater) in 300 years. (Actually, it was 27 games.) Texas A&M has yet to live up to its top ten hype and after a scare against Michael Johnson’s alma mater last week, I think they’ll be geared up for the Buffs.
Syracuse @
UCONN -6.5
Can Syracuse seriously be nearly a touchdown pooch to Big East neophytes UConn? Don’t they know SU has stylish new Alabamaesque helmets? I don’t even know where UConn plays their games. Is it a 100 yard field? Are there stands, or is everyone standing on the sidelines like a high school game? Not the firmest terra I’ve ever stood on, but I’m taking the ‘Cuse.
Oklahoma @
Texas -14
Continuing with underdogs on the road, I’m going with the Sooners in the Red River Drive-By. (Can you call it a shoot out when the Horns never fire back? I don’t think so either.) Here’s why I like this game, Oklahoma, no matter their current state, has a huge mental advantage over Texas. Add that to the fact that this is essentially the one thing Oklahoma still has left to redeem what has already been a dismal season, and I think we’re in for a cockfight. Maybe Texas beats them this year, but not by two TDs. Keep your head on a swivel!
Arizona @
USC -37.5
Any explanation needed?
Ball St. @
W. Michigan -11
I know nothing about this game, but I have to take it. Every Ball St. game this year has been taken off the board because they have something like 11 players suspended. I know this because each week the game was listed with no line and the following explanation: “Ball St.: 11 Players Suspended.” But this week, all it says is, “Ball State still has suspensions.”
How great is that? They realized, that maybe, hey, people really don’t like to bet on teams that play basketball in the MVC. They also realized that it doesn’t really matter how many Cardinals aren’t playing, nobody gives a damn. Well, now I do. MGM lists this at -11 so I’m taking the Broncos, based on their explanation alone.
Illinois @
Indiana -6
Should Indiana ever be favored against anyone on the football field? Not against a Big 10/11 opponent. What do they think this is, Hoosiers? South Bend wasn't even favored by this much over Hickory High.
Not THE Ohio U. @
Bowling Green -22
Frank Solich faced enough good quarterbacks in the Big XII that I think he can stay within three touchdowns of Bowling Green and their dreadlocked quarterback. Is it just me, or does Bowling Green have a mobile QB with dreadlocks who is on the fringe of being a Heisman contender every year? Are we certain its not the same guy?
Georgia @
Tennessee -3
I really want to bet against Georgia, solely for the fact that the Braves didn’t even sell out Game 1 of the NLDS. What kind of people live in Atlanta? You can’t even get in to Fenway for the playoffs for under $500! However, this game is in Tennessee, and they’re still trying to piece things together. Georgia is a legit national title contender…
Word on the street is, keep an eye out for a Hastings College Broncos flag during Gameday. It may mark the first time an NAIA schools has cracked ESPN.
As for now, I’m staying away from Marshall-Va. Tech, Cal-UCLA and the Nebraska game. Perhaps more before Saturday. Right now, I’m busy sending Tony Graffanino the death ray. You just can’t count on former employees of the Kansas City Royals.
3 comments:
Hey Brando! While I agree that Graffanino should be drawn and quartered your assesment of former Royals emloyees goes out the window when you look at your long haired center fielder! Wheres the love?
Touche!
Point taken, but I've never been totally sold on Johnny Damon. Sure, he's having a contract year, but he has the arm of a 6-year-old making him adequate at best defensively. He can steal bases but he doesn't because Ortiz and Manny loom on deck. That's his true value, he gets on base for the big boys. If he was still in KC, however, he'd be an average center fielder.
Add that to the fact that the guy is probably overrated by 30% based on his hair alone. He's the anti-Samson, there isn't power in his hair, but there is an image. He had zero endorsements before adopting the Christ look, now he's a Puma pitchman and appears on three local commericals an hour in Boston.
I PRAY that the Sox don't re-sign him in the offseason. He can't possibly have a better season than he did this year, but he'll comman an All-Star price.
OK, now you can get rid of all former Royals!
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