I'm not here to talk about the past...

...Ummm, they're not really going to let this keep me out of the Handicappers Hall of Fame, will they? Surely, they won't take down the statue of me in Vegas? Don't they remember that night at Fitzgerald's when I was so hot I split 10's and won on both?

I'm here to talk about the future. The future is now. It's Week 6 and we got some work to do, so let's get to it.

South Florida @
Aintsburgh -3

The Masterlock Pick of the Week. Pitt has looked like they would have a tough time beating Duquesne, whereas Da Bulls have already upended Louisville (who demolished UNC last week) and hung tough against the Canes. Wannstedt remains woeful here at Heinz.

Penn St. @
Michigan -3.5

Two factors at work here. Penn State is coming off their biggest win in six years as well as receiving more pub this week than any story not involving the Minnesota Vikings, a boat and unmentionable sexual acts. (But the umpires of last night's ALCS game are coming hard on the outside!) Additionally, this is the second must-win game for Michigan thus far this season. Last time they covered for me against State, so I'm going to them again. The Lions fabulous frosh may wet their white pants at the sight of 110,000 Big Blue supporters.

Nebraska @
Baylor +2.5

I'm a tad apprehensive about this one, but something in my inbox swayed me. Before continuing, you must go view the Mike Stuntz video located here: http://www.theomahachannel.com/cfoot553/index.html

Is that swagger? Is my swaggerometer reading off the charts right now? Sure, this might make some nervous, but I like it, even with tongue firmly in cheek. As Desmond Howard says on Gameday, you gotta have that swagga!

Colorado @
Texas -19.5

A classic Super Mario Bros. trap game. Texas just beat their Bowser last week in big fashion, but I'm sorry, Mack, the Princess is in another castle. The Buffs at this point are undeniably the class of the Big XII North, same cand be said for Texas and the South. Is there really an almost three touchdown difference between the South and North? I think not. In fact, not only am I taking CU to cover, I'm picking them to win outright. Just watch, while everyone's eyes are on SC-ND, Ralphie's boys will quietly get out in front of Texas and hang on. Catch it on the bottom line!

Auburn @
Arkansas +7.5

Auburn is quietly lurking in the weeds for Alabama. There was no reason for Arkansas to get absolutely obliterated by SC like they did. So what do we have? A team overachieving versus a team underachieving. Booooo, Pig Sooey!

Indiana @
Iowa -15.5

If your team changes its uniforms more than once every 17 years, they are not a legitimate football program. Indiana changes theirs every three weeks, Iowa hasn't changed theirs since Hayden Fry decided he would rather pretend to coach the Steelers. All that and a pink locker room to boot. This game was picked after vigorous consultation of the color wheel.

Miami @
Temple +40.5 53 o/u: Under

The Yun' Ball Coach likes the Owls here, but he is forgetting that Temple is the worst football team in the history of the world. Emerson College, had they a team, would be favored by at least 37 against Temple. Not only am I taking the Canes, but I'm also going for the Under against 53, searching for that elusive middle. A brash move, yes, but what they hell, I'm 12-20 on the season.

Kansas St. @
Texas Tech -12.5

The Wildcats are reportedly starting a redshirt freshman from Papillion-LaVista HS at quarterback this week. Not a good sign for those Jayhawk basketball fans who conveniently root for their other state school on fall Saturdays. Tech should roll after stealing one in Lincoln.

USC @
Notre Dame +12

I WILL beat USC once this year. I've tried unsuccessfully for three straight weeks, but the Trojans will pay me eventually. This could be the last chance until UCLA.

Still questioning that Colorado pick? Me to, but when you're winning exactly 37.5% of your games, you just gotta say..."who gives a shit, it's gone."