After going 1-9 in Week 5, HPBT has elicited the help of a brilliant optimist to handle this week's post-picks press conference. Ladies and gentlemen, the University of Nebraska Head Football Coach, Bill Callahan.
Joe T., Poughkeepsie Press-Journal: How do you explain this week's collapse, following your best performance of the year last week?
BC: What collapse? I don't know what you're talking about, this idea of a collapse is a myth.
Jackie S., Texarkana Gazette: I believe my colleague is referring to the fact that you only picked 1 of 10 games correctly.
BC: You people need to check your facts, as journalists all you have is your integrity. We actually went 2-9 this week, taking the over on number of times "Rocky Top" would play at the UGA-UT game and winning it easily.
You have to understand, I'm a new bettor, picking with bookies who were left over from my predecessor. It is going to take some time to implement my picking methods, but we're starting to get the personnel in here who will enable us to succeed.
Ed L., KHAS: Talk a little bit about your first pick of the week. When the Yellow Jackets placekicker essentially cost you a game you should have won, did you have to alter your methods to overcome the huge momentum shift?
BC: When you have already cemented your place in history as an offensive visionary, you don't go changing your scheme just because you get knocked down once or twice. You're forgetting the fact that I almost won a Super Bowl, then the following year forced my entire team to despise me and their septuagenarian owner in a white jacket to fire me. I've seen my share of adversity. Have you ever had to have coffee with Al Davis?
Beano C., USA Today: Do you guys know anything about college football? You weren't even close on a lot of these picks!
BC: I would say I'm acquainted with the game, but my true value is as an offensive genius. You can't get too wrapped up in researching things like record against the spread or performance on the road. I'm never going to know as much about the game as the linesmakers, whose job it is to know more than anyone else, so why even try?
I won Rich Gannon an MVP award and he went to Delaware! Who would have thought a Blue Hen could be the best player in the NFL for a year? I did that.
Brian S., The Scottsbluff Star Herald: Your season record now stands at 14-20, where do you go from here?
BC: We're not going to change a thing, our system will work! It already works in practice, on Tuesday we didn't miss a pick. We might stay away from MAC games, however, Even though they still have suspensions, those Ball State boys are salty dogs!
You have to understand, I'm not here to worry about wins and losses. If I pick a game incorrectly, but handicap it well, I'm happy. That's a win for me, looking good.
Jim Rome, ESPN: Speaking of looking good, Beau, I loved you as Cushman's father in Jerry Maguire. Do you think Cush could've run the West Coast Offense?
BC: I got news for you Romie, nobody thinks you're funny. Sure I look like Beau Bridges, and it was fun the first time you made that comparison. It is less fun after three years of hammering the same joke.
As for Cushman, if he were willing to set his ego aside and really study the playbook for his first nine years, he may finally get it and squeak into a Pro Bowl in the twilight of his career. Some people say that's too tough a system to grasp, but I'm not interested in creating an executable system. Where's the genius in that?
Rack it.
No comments:
Post a Comment