Sportsline.com is running a "Most Dominant College Mascot on Earth" contest right now, and the results are somewhat alarming. (As is the timing. Isn't this an alternative March Madness method for filling out your bracket? No wonder Creighton never makes it out of the first round.)Now this is the sort of contest where the fans vote meaning whichever school's fan base finds out about the contest first and cares/is bored enough to log on multiple times will win. It's all supposed to be fun and guffaws, but I'm having a hard time with some of the results.
The Michigan Wolverines received a #1 seed for a good reason. Wolverines, weighing about 35 lbs., have been known to kill moose. Let me restate that: A member of the weasel family kills a moose.
Argument over, right? Wrong. The Bulldogs, an admittedly tough breed used in the barbaric practice of bullbaiting in 19th-century England, beat the Wolverines with 51% of the vote. Doesn't UM have a student body of approximately 3 million? How is this possible?
And if that's not bad enough, the San Diego State Aztecs lost in the second round to the Demon Deacons of Wake Forest. If you can believe Wikipedia, in 1487 the Aztecs claimed to have sacrificed 84,000 prisoners over the course of four days to reconsecrate the Great Pyramid of Tenochtitlan. Let's do a little math: that equates to 21,000 people per day, or one person every four seconds. (And you wonder why historians dispute this number.)
Regardless, the fact that the Aztecs would even claim such a number makes me pretty confident that they could handle some church-goers, demonic as they might be, with ease.
But there is hope. Due to the fact that their mascot is a rot-gut wine immortalized by Texas singer/songwriters Townes Van Zandt and Billy Joe Shaver, the Southern Utah Thunderbirds are through to the Sweet Sixteen. There's probably nothing as potent as that stuff on earth.
However, I really hope Wyoming wins this thing. A Peacemaker is a powerful ace in the hole.
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