AVERAGE Thoughts on the SUPER Bowl

While still trying to come to terms with the fact that there was a red carpet at the Super Bowl...

10:03 - Tom Brady and the New England Patriots are fallible. Repeat. Tom Brady and the New England Patriots are fallible. Prepare the shock the world speeches. An entire season's worth of yammering and record setting. Gone. The Patriots are officially interesting in the eyes of Chuck Klosterman.

No matter how you look at it, Belichick leaving the field with one admittedly meaningless second left was bush league.

Somehow, however, I think this bodes well for the Celtics. Obviously the Patriots failure will deliver the C's a vetern back-up point guard and a post presence off the bench. That's karma.

9:57 - If you're gonna give up the go ahead touchdown might as well do it on first down. Are 35 seconds with three timeouts too much time for Tom Brady?

9:52 - Manning, staving off a certain sack, slings it to Tyree. That is exactly the sort of play that kept the Patriots undefeated this season. This time it happened to the Giants. Less than a minute left and 24 yards to go. It took a while, but this is going to be good after all.

9:42 - Can Eli Manning "arrive" before our very eyes?

9:40 - Randy be Randy. Touchdown Patriots. I've watched them do it all year but it's still amazing. Brady's been just a touch off all game. He missed Moss on 1st & Goal then threw a slightly risky pass on 2nd and I'm wondering if New England will just play if safe and get a field goal. Stupid me.

9:31 - Shotgun formation and quick hits. Can't get sacked that way. Belichick always has something in reserve. Always. Patriots driving, 4:40 left.

9:11 - 10-7 Giants. What's amazing is not the score but that the recent success of Boston's sports teams has resulted in what now seems like a very real chip on New York's shoulder. I wouldn't call a win by New York tonight bigger than the Red Sox coming back from a 3-0 ALCS deficit but it's in the same ballpark.

9:08 - 13:25 left in the game. The Patriots might be in real danger here and that's the first time I've felt that way all season. There's a lot of game left but I'm now starting to look for a proper context should this upset happen.

9:03 - That makes two straight super, scintillating, scoreless quarters. Next touchdown wins?

8:37 - Challenging to get a 12 men on the field call...sort of like calling every foul line infraction in your Tuesday night bowling league. It will help you win but it seems sort of slimy.

8:32 - Shaq as a jockey. Genius.

8:16 - Well, I got one from the good list and only one from the bad so I'll call the halftime show a push. (Nice beard, however.) You always hear musicians say that playing live, not recording or writing or groupies, is what drives them but I seriously wonder how many times you can possibly play Free Fallin' before it just seems like a job.

7:54 - 7-3 HALFTIME. I need to hear at least two of following three songs from Tom Petty: I Won't Back Down, Last Dance With Mary Jane, Don't Come Around Here No More. I do not need to hear Into the Great Wide Open, Learning to Fly, or Runnin' Down a Dream. I suspect the odds are not in my favor.

7:42 - Mmmm, Doritos. I would say that realizing mice do not come from arch shaped holes in the baseboards of your walls one of the ultimate disappointments of adult life. Rather, they infiltrate your home through much smaller holes. Like the size hole that holds the cable which is probably piping this thrilling 7-3 first half into your house right now. Nothing is ever as good as it's made out to be.

7:28 - 26 minutes closer to National Signing Day. (Also 26 minutes closer to Mexico v. USA in Houston.) If it weren't for the Pro Bowl I would have no problem going on record as saying the Super Bowl is almost annually the least interesting football game of the year.

7:02 - Already one quarter in the books and it's 7-3 Patriots. That, folks, is perfection. Scoring TDs when the other team scores FGs. At least in these playoffs it has been.

6:57 - If you were an NFL player how many tattoos would you get? Without a doubt, I'd have two full sleeves. There are a couple of reasons for this thinking: 1) physically you're a freak of nature and what better way to show that off and 2) even though your career is likely over way before you're even 35 your legacy as a former pro trumps everything else. Say you want to sell cars after your career is over. Rather than looking at your arms and thinking "how irresponsible" all anyone will ever think is "he used to play for the Giants."

6:46 - Do the SNL writers get residuals from that Diet Pepsi Max ad? (If you would like nothing but commercial talk, FOXSports.com is tackling that angle live right here.)

6:36 - Ability to breathe fire ad? Bad. Not a good sign if Bud Light is off their commercial game. Of course, the whole "commercial game" has become much less fun now that it's covered so extensively.

6:28 pm - I don't think you can really overestimate the value of Super Bowl experience. I can't imagine what it must be like to have to a) go to Boston's old city hall and read to random lines from the Declaration of Independence, b) now in Arizona show up midweek to tape some random bit about teamwork while standing behind a dais under a blue light, and finally c) stop on your way back from kickoff to talk about what your defense plans to do when they're on the field in, oh, 90 seconds.

Tedy Bruschi did all of those things and showed no signs that it was bizarre or cumbersome at all. Been there, done that.

6:00 pm - The whole Declaration of Independence? Was that necessary? What better welcome for the countless millions watching worldwide than the Dear John letter we sent Great Britain a couple hundred years ago.

And don't forget to vote!


Photo: Win McNamee/Getty Images

Super Bowl XLI - The Album

I promise that I'm looking at the Super Bowl from more than just a musical context. There are a number of important issues on the table that I have yet to rule on like: what to eat (ribs or wings), where to get said foodstuff (too many contenders to name), what to drink (Old Style isn't available up here, but I need something vaguely Chicagoan) and the exact wardrobe for Super Sunday (the Payton away jersey has gotten us this far, but do I need the Bears Zubaz overnighted from home too)?

As you can see, I'm dealing with a lot of heavy stuff here.

And on top of all that, I decided today that I needed to make a Super Bowl XLI mixtape. This all started two years ago when I was preparing to attend my first Kentucky Derby with friends and I commemorated the occasion by creating a CD to get us from Nashville to Louisville on race day. Spurred by its success, last year saw the release of volume two and preparation has already begun for volume three (in loving memory of Barbaro).

I'm not saying that I'm the T Bone Burnett of sporting event soundtracks but I'm working on it. Of course, there are a few guidelines to follow:

--You only get one "so cheesy it's cool" song. It would be easy enough to start with "The Super Bowl Shuffle" and then add all the usual songs associated with Miami (Will Smith, Gloria Estefan, Vanilla Ice). You'd be halfway done but nobody would want to listen your CD. One can give a little comic relief.

--Don't underestimate feel and emotion. It's surprisingly hard to collect 80 minutes worth of music around theme without any explanation. There will be songs that don't seem connected to the event in any immediate sense, but can still significantly add to the album's overall tone. Which is to say...

--No connection is too tenuous. There will be songs about football. There will be songs about Miami and Chicago but not Indianapolis. (1. They don't exist, and 2. This is MY tape.) There will be songs from artists from Miami and Chicago but not Indiana (sorry Cougs, see #2 above). There will be songs from artists who are on a Chicago label, but that's just to justify Bobby Bare Jr.'s inclusion.

--All other standard rules for mixtape compilation apply as set out in High Fidelity.

Super Bowl XLI - The Album

Pregame

1. "The Air Tonight" - Phil Collins Over on Ty Hildenbrandt's blog, he and I were discussing the merits of this song as a football highlight track and after I saw it used at the Nebraska football camp in 8th grade I've never been to able hear it any other way. The odds that you'll hear this song at some point during the broadcast are pretty good.

2. "Banned in the USA" - 2 Live Crew It's not quite the National Anthem, but I wanted to give a nod to the guys who put Miami rap music on the map. It's tough to find a song clean enough in their category that won't get us a parental advisory sticker, but this one is safe. (Which reminds me, since I've finally reached an age that should prevent any repercussions, I have a confession to make: In 6th grade one of my best friends snuck a copy of Nasty as they Wanna Be onto the bus for our field trip and we listened to it for three hours straight. As far as I can tell, we all turned out fine.)

1st Quarter

3. Little Ole Wine Drinker Me - Dean Martin Probably one of my favorites out of Deano. Here's why: in the song Dean is in a bar in Chicago praying it will rain in California so the grapes will receive ample moisture, ensuring a good crop that will result in more wine. That's hardcore.

4. Da Superfan Shuffle - Da Superfans You didn't think I'd actually use "The Super Bowl Shuffle" did you? This might be better as it combines the Superfans and the shuffle into one.

5. "99 Problems" - Jay-Z + Danger Mouse This one's for Tank.

2nd Quarter

6. "Don't Take Your Guns To Town" - Johnny Cash I try, and am usually able, to tie in a Cash song to every mix I make and this is another one for Mr. Johnson. In fact, the Tank Johnson mixtape practically compiles itself.

7. "My Kind of Town" - Frank Sinatra You can't overestimate "people who smile at you," especially when Tank Johnson lives in your city. (Last one, I swear.)

8. "Where is My Mind" - Bobby Bare Jr. I have a feeling Rex is going to start slowly like he did in the NFC Championship game, so don't be surprised Bears fans if your asking this very question as we go into the half.

Halftime

9. "I Could Never Take the Place of Your Man" - Prince Gotta do it. Bomani Jones convinced me today that Prince might actually be old after all.

10. "When U Were Mine" - Crooked Fingers It's tough to top the man himself, but this banjo-driven dirge is a fine cover for the lull before the second half.

3rd Quarter

11. "Cocktails" - Robbie Fulks Now that we're halfway through the game, it seems like the perfect time for a cautionary tale about over consumption--thanks, Dean--from one of Chicago's alt-country giants.

12. "I'm Afraid of Americans" - David Bowie I can only assume that the millions of overseas viewers watching perhaps their only American sporting event of the year must feel quite similar to Mr. Stardust in this song. Watching 300-pound genetic freaks smash into each other for four hours will do that.

13. "It Was Supposed to be So Easy" - The Streets I'm hoping that this is what Dwight Freeny is thinking as the 3rd comes to a close. Also, the song is an apt description of what your pregame activities should NOT entail on Sunday. Get all of this stuff out of the way on Saturday.

4th Quarter

14. "Under Pressure" - Queen & David Bowie Who is feeling it more? Peyton or Rex? I'm not getting any closer than this to "Ice Ice Baby," A1A shout out or not.

15. "Decoration Day" - Drive-by Truckers My absolute favorite song about burial. I only hope that midway through the 4th it's appropriate in the right context.

16. "Sonho Dourado" - Daniel Lanois If you haven't heard the Friday Night Lights soundtrack yet, I urge you to do so. This is the song that plays when mighty Permian goes down and it's exactly the song I want to hear when Peyton unsnaps his chinstrap for the final time this season.

Postgame

17. "One Big Holiday" - My Morning Jacket The song I want to hear while the Bears celebrate, and finally...

18. "Sweet Home Chicago" - Robert Johnson The song you will hear should the Bears be celebrating. Logic says the Blues Bros. here, but this dude made a deal with the devil. Can't beat that.

So there you have it. A loosely based, Chicago-centric Super Bowl XLI soundscape. I've got five copies left and should there actually be five people out there interested in obtaining one feel free to email me and I'll send you a hand-numbered copy via good ol' fashioned US Mail. (First come, first served. No international orders.)

And if things go well, there will be more to come in the future. The NBA's debut in Las Vegas next month will almost certainly be commemorated in addition to the aforementioned Derby disc, so if you have any ideas for songs about horses or bourbon please pass them along. The well is running dry.

Prince - The Perfect Halftime Show?

In a number of ways, Super Bowl XLI feels like the first time for me. I've never truly experienced the game from an invested fan's perspective and it's lead to some interesting internal questions. For example: why can't the NFL sell a decent looking hat?

Since I was 12, I've been sporting the same script "Bears" hat (similar to this one, only 15 years older) and I made a deal with myself that if Chicago made it to the Super Bowl I would upgrade my headwear in celebration and support of such a magnificent achievement.

The requirements for said hat were simple: it can't be orange, it should feature the classic 'C' and that alone, writing or small graphics on the back are acceptable but the sides must be unmarred, and no stupid striping would be permitted especially on the bill. It was to be the sort of cap, navy and unstructured, that I figured would be available in every gas station between Rockford and Carbondale and just a few mouse clicks away on-line.

Nope. Everything seems to look painfully similar to this, and maybe karma will reward me in the long run. Changing your gamer before the big game might not have been the best idea anyway.

But in the twisted sort of logic that defines my daily existence, I next began to wonder if simply buying Prince's "When You Were Mine" off iTunes--something I've been meaning to do for months--would be an ample show of support for XLI.

You see, aside from enjoying the lead-up to the game more than ever before, I'm also excited for the halftime show for the first time since I got Bee Bop Bamboozled by Diet Coke's 3-D halftime show in 1989 when I couldn't find the glasses at any of the local retail outlets.

The more that I think about it, Prince might just be the perfect choice for Super Bowl halftime entertainment. He's hot mom tested and hipster approved. Regardless of race, creed, sex or age, everyone agrees that "When Doves Cry" is a damn fine song.

So what took so long? I've always wondered why the NFL insisted on booking their halftime show like they were providing the entertainment for a 4o-year class reunion. Aren't 18 to 34-year-old males the "coveted demographic?" Those people don't want to see Sting!

Honestly, I'd have no problem if Prince took up a 10-year residency at the halftime show like some Vegas luminary, but since that seems unlikely to happen, I've developed some rules for the NFL to follow when considering future candidates for halftime entertainment:

1. If you couldn't see the artist in one of the multi-million dollar commercials then they don't belong on the stage. You know why you didn't see any "Pimp Juice" commercials featuring Nelly during Super Bowl XXXV? Because, despite being the "#1 Selling Hip-Hop Energy Drink," whatever that means, PJ couldn't afford a spot on Super Sunday. Maybe this was an indication of the temporal nature of Nelly's popularity. Just follow the hip-hop and marketing lead here; if it don't make dollars, it don't make sense.

With that said...

2. Give us something slightly on The Edge and I don't mean U2. Prince has songs that would make a porn star blush and that's a large part of his appeal as a Super Bowl performer. Will everything be squeaky clean and family friendly? Probably. But the potential is there for something crazy to happen and in a time where Paul McCartney was praised for being uninteresting the year after Nipplegate, I like that.

3. Nobody enjoys old-timer's games. I love the Rolling Stones and I understand their greatness, but I still have no interest in seeing them in their current state and that's not a statement on their present potency. I'm sure they're still great. They could announce a tour tomorrow and it would sell out within an hour, but everything that made them great happened 20 years ago. I would've loved to experience the power of the Stones in their prime, but I missed that boat and all the plastic surgery in the world can't convince me otherwise.

I'm sure there are a number of people who will disagree with me on this point, but you can't always get what you want. Sorry.

4. Flavors of the month are just as bad. What do Right Said Fred, 98 Degrees and the Lyte Funky Ones (nee, LFO) have in common? They were all universally crappy and none of them ever appeared at the Super Bowl, but Kriss Kross, Los Del Rio, 'NSYNC and the Backstreet Boys all did. All I'm asking for is a little foresight here, which could be tricky considering that we live in an age where anything that is cool today will be liked by more people tomorrow which makes it totally uncool to the people who initially thought it was cool yesterday, but here's a hint: don't read Pitchfork.com because nobody knows who any of those bands are. Paste or any band currently featured in a car commercial will provide much better options.

In fact, this leads me to scratch Rule No. 1 as I'm pretty sure Lance, JC, Joey, Chris and Justin were shilling for somebody back in the day.

Nevertheless, it shouldn't be that hard going forward. All the NFL needs to find is an artist currently in their prime, possessing an undeniable edginess/sexiness that implies something extraordinary could happen, with enough credibility to appease tastemakers without offending the tasteless, whose best albums weren't all recorded prior to 1980.

But if that's not enough of a guideline to go by, I've taken the liberty of preparing a list of qualifying musicians: Bob Dylan, Bruce Springsteen, Prince and Willie Nelson.

That covers just about everyone doesn't it?