In a number of ways, Super Bowl XLI feels like the first time for me. I've never truly experienced the game from an invested fan's perspective and it's lead to some interesting internal questions. For example: why can't the NFL sell a decent looking hat?
Since I was 12, I've been sporting the same script "Bears" hat (similar to this one, only 15 years older) and I made a deal with myself that if Chicago made it to the Super Bowl I would upgrade my headwear in celebration and support of such a magnificent achievement.
The requirements for said hat were simple: it can't be orange, it should feature the classic 'C' and that alone, writing or small graphics on the back are acceptable but the sides must be unmarred, and no stupid striping would be permitted especially on the bill. It was to be the sort of cap, navy and unstructured, that I figured would be available in every gas station between Rockford and Carbondale and just a few mouse clicks away on-line.
Nope. Everything seems to look painfully similar to this, and maybe karma will reward me in the long run. Changing your gamer before the big game might not have been the best idea anyway.
But in the twisted sort of logic that defines my daily existence, I next began to wonder if simply buying Prince's "When You Were Mine" off iTunes--something I've been meaning to do for months--would be an ample show of support for XLI.
You see, aside from enjoying the lead-up to the game more than ever before, I'm also excited for the halftime show for the first time since I got Bee Bop Bamboozled by Diet Coke's 3-D halftime show in 1989 when I couldn't find the glasses at any of the local retail outlets.
The more that I think about it, Prince might just be the perfect choice for Super Bowl halftime entertainment. He's hot mom tested and hipster approved. Regardless of race, creed, sex or age, everyone agrees that "When Doves Cry" is a damn fine song.
So what took so long? I've always wondered why the NFL insisted on booking their halftime show like they were providing the entertainment for a 4o-year class reunion. Aren't 18 to 34-year-old males the "coveted demographic?" Those people don't want to see Sting!
Honestly, I'd have no problem if Prince took up a 10-year residency at the halftime show like some Vegas luminary, but since that seems unlikely to happen, I've developed some rules for the NFL to follow when considering future candidates for halftime entertainment:
1. If you couldn't see the artist in one of the multi-million dollar commercials then they don't belong on the stage. You know why you didn't see any "Pimp Juice" commercials featuring Nelly during Super Bowl XXXV? Because, despite being the "#1 Selling Hip-Hop Energy Drink," whatever that means, PJ couldn't afford a spot on Super Sunday. Maybe this was an indication of the temporal nature of Nelly's popularity. Just follow the hip-hop and marketing lead here; if it don't make dollars, it don't make sense.
With that said...
2. Give us something slightly on The Edge and I don't mean U2. Prince has songs that would make a porn star blush and that's a large part of his appeal as a Super Bowl performer. Will everything be squeaky clean and family friendly? Probably. But the potential is there for something crazy to happen and in a time where Paul McCartney was praised for being uninteresting the year after Nipplegate, I like that.
3. Nobody enjoys old-timer's games. I love the Rolling Stones and I understand their greatness, but I still have no interest in seeing them in their current state and that's not a statement on their present potency. I'm sure they're still great. They could announce a tour tomorrow and it would sell out within an hour, but everything that made them great happened 20 years ago. I would've loved to experience the power of the Stones in their prime, but I missed that boat and all the plastic surgery in the world can't convince me otherwise.
I'm sure there are a number of people who will disagree with me on this point, but you can't always get what you want. Sorry.
4. Flavors of the month are just as bad. What do Right Said Fred, 98 Degrees and the Lyte Funky Ones (nee, LFO) have in common? They were all universally crappy and none of them ever appeared at the Super Bowl, but Kriss Kross, Los Del Rio, 'NSYNC and the Backstreet Boys all did. All I'm asking for is a little foresight here, which could be tricky considering that we live in an age where anything that is cool today will be liked by more people tomorrow which makes it totally uncool to the people who initially thought it was cool yesterday, but here's a hint: don't read Pitchfork.com because nobody knows who any of those bands are. Paste or any band currently featured in a car commercial will provide much better options.
In fact, this leads me to scratch Rule No. 1 as I'm pretty sure Lance, JC, Joey, Chris and Justin were shilling for somebody back in the day.
Nevertheless, it shouldn't be that hard going forward. All the NFL needs to find is an artist currently in their prime, possessing an undeniable edginess/sexiness that implies something extraordinary could happen, with enough credibility to appease tastemakers without offending the tasteless, whose best albums weren't all recorded prior to 1980.
But if that's not enough of a guideline to go by, I've taken the liberty of preparing a list of qualifying musicians: Bob Dylan, Bruce Springsteen, Prince and Willie Nelson.
That covers just about everyone doesn't it?
Since I was 12, I've been sporting the same script "Bears" hat (similar to this one, only 15 years older) and I made a deal with myself that if Chicago made it to the Super Bowl I would upgrade my headwear in celebration and support of such a magnificent achievement.
The requirements for said hat were simple: it can't be orange, it should feature the classic 'C' and that alone, writing or small graphics on the back are acceptable but the sides must be unmarred, and no stupid striping would be permitted especially on the bill. It was to be the sort of cap, navy and unstructured, that I figured would be available in every gas station between Rockford and Carbondale and just a few mouse clicks away on-line.
Nope. Everything seems to look painfully similar to this, and maybe karma will reward me in the long run. Changing your gamer before the big game might not have been the best idea anyway.
But in the twisted sort of logic that defines my daily existence, I next began to wonder if simply buying Prince's "When You Were Mine" off iTunes--something I've been meaning to do for months--would be an ample show of support for XLI.
You see, aside from enjoying the lead-up to the game more than ever before, I'm also excited for the halftime show for the first time since I got Bee Bop Bamboozled by Diet Coke's 3-D halftime show in 1989 when I couldn't find the glasses at any of the local retail outlets.
The more that I think about it, Prince might just be the perfect choice for Super Bowl halftime entertainment. He's hot mom tested and hipster approved. Regardless of race, creed, sex or age, everyone agrees that "When Doves Cry" is a damn fine song.
So what took so long? I've always wondered why the NFL insisted on booking their halftime show like they were providing the entertainment for a 4o-year class reunion. Aren't 18 to 34-year-old males the "coveted demographic?" Those people don't want to see Sting!
Honestly, I'd have no problem if Prince took up a 10-year residency at the halftime show like some Vegas luminary, but since that seems unlikely to happen, I've developed some rules for the NFL to follow when considering future candidates for halftime entertainment:
1. If you couldn't see the artist in one of the multi-million dollar commercials then they don't belong on the stage. You know why you didn't see any "Pimp Juice" commercials featuring Nelly during Super Bowl XXXV? Because, despite being the "#1 Selling Hip-Hop Energy Drink," whatever that means, PJ couldn't afford a spot on Super Sunday. Maybe this was an indication of the temporal nature of Nelly's popularity. Just follow the hip-hop and marketing lead here; if it don't make dollars, it don't make sense.
With that said...
2. Give us something slightly on The Edge and I don't mean U2. Prince has songs that would make a porn star blush and that's a large part of his appeal as a Super Bowl performer. Will everything be squeaky clean and family friendly? Probably. But the potential is there for something crazy to happen and in a time where Paul McCartney was praised for being uninteresting the year after Nipplegate, I like that.
3. Nobody enjoys old-timer's games. I love the Rolling Stones and I understand their greatness, but I still have no interest in seeing them in their current state and that's not a statement on their present potency. I'm sure they're still great. They could announce a tour tomorrow and it would sell out within an hour, but everything that made them great happened 20 years ago. I would've loved to experience the power of the Stones in their prime, but I missed that boat and all the plastic surgery in the world can't convince me otherwise.
I'm sure there are a number of people who will disagree with me on this point, but you can't always get what you want. Sorry.
4. Flavors of the month are just as bad. What do Right Said Fred, 98 Degrees and the Lyte Funky Ones (nee, LFO) have in common? They were all universally crappy and none of them ever appeared at the Super Bowl, but Kriss Kross, Los Del Rio, 'NSYNC and the Backstreet Boys all did. All I'm asking for is a little foresight here, which could be tricky considering that we live in an age where anything that is cool today will be liked by more people tomorrow which makes it totally uncool to the people who initially thought it was cool yesterday, but here's a hint: don't read Pitchfork.com because nobody knows who any of those bands are. Paste or any band currently featured in a car commercial will provide much better options.
In fact, this leads me to scratch Rule No. 1 as I'm pretty sure Lance, JC, Joey, Chris and Justin were shilling for somebody back in the day.
Nevertheless, it shouldn't be that hard going forward. All the NFL needs to find is an artist currently in their prime, possessing an undeniable edginess/sexiness that implies something extraordinary could happen, with enough credibility to appease tastemakers without offending the tasteless, whose best albums weren't all recorded prior to 1980.
But if that's not enough of a guideline to go by, I've taken the liberty of preparing a list of qualifying musicians: Bob Dylan, Bruce Springsteen, Prince and Willie Nelson.
That covers just about everyone doesn't it?
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