America's game goes global

A little over a week ago, a great American defeated a proven Japanese superstar in one of the most heavily covered international sporting events of the summer. Joey Chestnut filled us all with a little extra star-spangled pride on Independence Day by defeating the dynastic Kobayashi in front of 30,000 presumably satisfied fans on Coney Island. They were eating hot dogs.

This Sunday, a decidedly different American athlete will again try to end a Japanese dynasty. They’re playing football.

Our football, not Beckham’s.

You can be forgiven if you were unaware such a monumental match-up was on tap this weekend. As best I can tell, there’s one blog, a wikipedia page, a quizzical official website, and absolutely no television coverage. The question is why?

If the dog days of mid-summer have proven anything from a sports perspective it’s that we’ll watch anything right now: competitive eating, paper-rock-scissors, soccer players arriving on our shores and calling it football.

Outside of baseball’s all-star game, those have been the major sports television events of July but even a seam head can start to feel the monotony around this time each year.

It’s not that baseball isn’t interesting, it’s that we don’t have a choice. It’s the only option. We paid good money for 500 channels because we like choice. On our best weekend days we can keep tabs on four or five different sports, stay nourished and (generally) avoid annoying everyone else in the immediate vicinity. Trying to watch only one is like pulling teeth with a tractor. It’ll get the job done but it’s capable of much more. That’s why this World Cup couldn’t have come at a better time.

We’re dying for football right now. It’s so close we can taste it. Fantasy draft boards are being prepared, we’re up to our necks in preview magazines and we’ve read them all twice. Sure, Germany-Sweden isn’t even close to Ohio State-Michigan or even Houston-SMU but it’s something, even if that something is simply novelty.

Football substitutes have traditionally fallen flat on their faces in the US. The USFL, World League, XFL, Arena football, all of them arrived with some fanfare and deep, powerful pockets behind them based on the fact that American’s are obviously football mad. Yet none of them have captured more than a fleeting glance from the sporting public.

But this whole World Cup concept has a chance to be different. First off there are a number of questions that come immediately to mind:

Q: Who, exactly, is playing football in France and why would they even be
interested in such a filthy American pastime?

A: Guys like Laurent
Marceline and Sandino Octobre who have starred in the amateur French leagues and
even wet their beaks in the now defunct NFL Europa.

Q: Is Sweden’s
team full of beefy lineman with imposing names?

A: Yes. The average
Swedish offensive lineman goes 6’4” and 308 pounds and the defensive line isn’t
much smaller. That includes such names as Magnus Dahlin and Ola
Schör.

Q: How did Japan become the Brazil of, as I guess we’re
calling it, international American football?

A: Well, the US didn’t
play in the first two World Cups. That probably had an effect. But of all the
countries competing Japan probably has as much history with football as any
country not flying the stars and stripes.

World War II brought the
game to the country, the Koshien Bowl, Japan’s BCS Title Game, has been played
since 1947 and the Atlanta Falcons just signed Noriaki Kinoshita to a free agent
contract, making him the first Japanese player in the NFL. All in all, the
Japanese are probably better than you think.

Q: Who’s playing for
the US? Marcus Vick? He’s not busy, right?

A: Marcus Vick is not
playing because he signed a free agent contract with the Dolphins and is no
longer an amateur. (Technically speaking.)

The US team features a
smattering of college players from all of the NCAA divisions and even a few NAIA
players. Most notable, outside of head coach John Mackovic, is probably
quarterback Jeff Ballard who lead TCU to an 11-2 record last season.

Of course, the over-arching question, and the true reason to theoretically tune in, is can the rest of the world actually play football? There are some who think that Japan has a real shot on Sunday. I, however, think the US will win handily, even when you consider that the team, like Bob Bradley’s Copa America squad, is made up of players whose most immediate recommendation was that they were available.

But it’s tough to realistically answer that question because we can’t see the games. Football is growing worldwide, just not before our eyes. Where is the NFL Network on this? Or Versus? It can’t do any worse than the NHL.

Nevertheless, the games will go on and we may finally have an answer to the ancient Japanese proverb: if Japan beats the US in football but nobody is able to see it, will anyone find out?

If that happens and America’s pitiful pan-athletic performance continues, I promise that you’ll know about it.

It just might be the biggest story of July.

*UPDATE* -- The U.S. defeated Japan. Barely. It took overtime, but the Americans are your World Cup champions after a 23-20 slugfest, including two TDs from UN-Omaha's Kyle Kasperbauer. At least total embarrassment was avoided.