Love and Loathing in the Midwest Regional

Note: As a wholly obsessive supplement to my latest FOXSports.com column, welcome to Love and Loathing in the NCAA Tournament. The fourth in a four part series that will provide my totally biased and baseless evaluation of each team in the tournament.

Also known as: "The Last Tournament Breakdown you Need."

Check back daily as I'll be revelaing a new quarter of the bracket in the days leading up to Thursday's tip-off.

MIDWEST

1. Florida – Loathe - As defending champs and the closest thing we have to a favorite, it’s easy to loathe the Gators unless they’re your team. In fact, I don’t see how you could root for UF otherwise. They’ve got talent, painful balance (four players averaging between 12 and 13 points) and braggin’ rights (both football AND basketball). Who likes that?

16. Jackson State – Loathe – See my inverse reasoning for North Texas. I think it’s time we honor Walter.

8. Arizona – Love – Ever since learning that Lute Olson insists upon having a cactus at mid-court, my respect for the Wildcats has grown. It’s all in the details.

9. Purdue - Loathe - Even the memory of Gene Keady scares the hell out of me.

5. Butler – Love – As I noted in the column, Butler and Hoosiers are forever linked. Is it too much to ask for them to run the picket fence at some point during the tournament?

12. Old Dominion - Love - I'm not sure what it means, but this is the most romantic sounding name in the tournament. I shall never refer to my hometown again. Henceforth, it will be my old dominion.

4. Maryland – Love – I like turtles and I like yellow and black stripes. Maryland provides both.

13. Davidson – Loathe – Another school, another honor code. Does anyone remember laughter?

6. Notre Dame – Loathe – If I had gone to Notre Dame, I’d be the biggest, fightinest Irish fan you’d ever seen. I didn’t.

11. Winthrop – Loathe – If not for Winthrop, I never would’ve known that Rock Hill, SC is part of an area known as “Metrolina.” I’m not 100% sure what that means but it sounds a lot like urban sprawl and, as we all know, urban sprawl is responsible for everything evil today. I imagine the campus is located between an Applebees and a Wal-Mart.

3. Oregon – Love – This isn’t so much a school as a means for product roll-out for UO alum and Nike founder Phil Knight. From psychedelic football uniforms to official school colors that incorporate the words “Thunder” (Green) and “Lightning” (Yellow) into the mix, I’m somehow fine will all of this.

14. Miami (Not the one you think) – Loathe – This school has been making a mockery of ESPN’s Bottom Line since the feature debuted, necessitating differentiation between “The U” and, well, “Not The U.” In fact, why not let the Redhawks have “Miami” all to themselves and make the Hurricanes go by Miami (The one you care about) on all tickers?

7. UNLV – Love – Not realizing that I could’ve gone to college in Las Vegas is probably the worst oversight of my life. Thus, I’ve always lived vicariously through the Runnin’ Rebels (or Hustlin’ Rebels, as they’re known on the diamond).

10. Georgia Tech - Love - A school capable of "clean, old-fashioned hate" is a school after my own heart.

2. Wisconsin – Love - Back in 1999 I went to Minneapolis to catch the first round of tournament games in the Metrodome and sat directly in front of a Badger fan who, after UW won one of their traditional 48-44 masterpieces, said “That’s Wisconsin. An offensive juggernaut.” They’re not fun to watch but they’re still lovable in their ugliness.

16. Texas A&M-Corpus Christi – Love – This school is located on its own island! One of only two schools to make the claim and they’re both on the Gulf Coast. The body of Christ? Amen. That was once a Final Jeopardy question and I got it. Loved Corpus ever since.

Previous Entries: the South, the West, and the East.

Love and Loathing in the South Regional

Note: As a wholly obsessive supplement to my latest FOXSports.com column, welcome to Love and Loathing in the NCAA Tournament. The third in a four part series that will provide my totally biased and baseless evaluation of each team in the tournament.

Also known as: "The Last Tournament Breakdown you Need."

Check back daily as I'll be revelaing a new quarter of the bracket in the days leading up to Thursday's tip-off.

SOUTH

1. Ohio State – Loathe - If I was more of a man I wouldn’t let my football biases get in the way, but the most ridiculous definite article in sport clouds everything. Battle lines are clearly drawn with the inclusion of the word “THE”. If you are/were a Buckeye, I understand your insistence upon using it. I’d do the same thing. But I’m not a Buckeye and it just sounds pompous to everyone else.

16. Central Connecticut State – Loathe – I know one thing about the other Blue Devils: I once saw a male cheerleader of theirs, who was shaped like a D2 tackle, pick up two cheerleaders, extend both arms and spin in a circle while holding them both in the air. Despite that, I find nothing more to recommend CCSU.

8. BYU - Loathe - Back in the 90s I found myself in Fort Collins during the WAC tournament and we ended up at a BYU-CSU game. Now the only compelling reason to watch BYU back then was Shawn Bradley. Not having followed the squad, I thought I was going to see the tallest man I could imagine live and in person. He was on his mission. I've never forgotten.

9. Xavier - Love - Besides Quinnipiac, no school dominates the alphabet like XU. Just look at that, XU, it's perfect. They have a giant X on their court and somehow this makes them entirely badass.

5. Tennessee – Love – More schools should reference moonshine in their fight songs. As long as Bruce Pearl and Pat Summitt stay on their respective sidelines, there’s nothing stopping me from enjoying the Vols in March.

12. Long Beach State – Love – Along with sleazeball, dirtbag is a relatively mild slur that I don’t utter often enough and it is the unofficial nickname of the school’s baseball team. While the basketball team is known simply as the 49ers, I think there’s enough residual good will from the local nine’s name to enable me to support The Beach.

4. Virginia – Love – Just a totally intriguing school, from Thomas Jefferson’s influence to “taking” degrees to secret societies. If I had former or future lives I’d definitely matriculate at Charlottesville in one of them.

13. UAlbany – Love – This one is easy. I love Post-it notes and we have an Albany alum to thank for their existence. Additionally, Great Danes, and its Scrappy-Doo rendering, is hands down the best mascot in the tournament.

6. Louisville – Love – I should probably hate this team for making me think I had a shot back in 2005, but there’s just something about the Old English ‘L’ that has me mesmerized. That and watching Pitino age.

11. Stanford - Loathe - I'm tired of that tree and that's all there is to it. With all honesty, I can't say I've considred Stanford once this college basketball season. They could've canceled the season and I wouldn't have known.

3. Texas Ag. & Mech. – Love - I’m genetically predisposed to love any team called the “Aggies.” Add that to the fact that A&M provides a nice counterpoint to the Longhorns and they’ve never really been here before and you have a pretty simple Cinderella story as a three-seed.

14. Penn – Love – It’s pretty tough to hate whatever team comes out of the Ivy League. They just quietly do their own thing, don’t get a Championship Week spotlight because they don’t have a tournament, show up for a round and go back to preparing to run the rest of the world. Maybe it’s not “tough” to hate these guys, rather, it’s not advisable.

7. Nevada – Loathe – What give you the right to insist upon being called “Nevada”? You’re the University of Nevada-Reno. I know it and you know it.

10. Creighton – Love – The only school in the tournament that I actually attended, albeit for only a year, but what a year it was. I threw an alley-oop to future Heat/Sixer/Grizzlie/King/Net Rodney Buford and was personally told by Dana Altman that I’d never make it as a walk-on. Fair enough. My true rooting interest in the tournament.

2. Memphis – Love – There’s just something slimy about a team helmed by John Calipari, but I’m foregoing any ill will on behalf of Wink Martindale. In addition to hosting High Rollers and Tic Tac Dough, Martindale recorded a version of Frankie Miller’s immortal “Black Land Farmer” which is enough for me to hope the Tigers make the Final Four.

15. North Texas – Love – Definitely the only school to name their football team after a famous former player’s nickname. But if it’s good enough for “Mean” Joe Greene, why don’t more schools do the same? I think the Jackson State Sweetness might be the best nickname nobody’s thought of yet.

Up Next: the Midwest.

Previous: the East, the West.

Love and Loathing in the East Regional

Note: As a wholly obsessive supplement to my latest FOXSports.com column, welcome to Love and Loathing in the NCAA Tournament. The second in a four part series that will provide my totally biased and baseless evaluation of each team in the tournament.

Also known as: "The Last Tournament Breakdown you Need."

Check back daily as I'll be revelaing a new quarter of the bracket in the days leading up to Thursday's tip-off.

EAST

1. North Carolina – Love - I’ve had a soft spot for the Heels since they were still sporting the tar-on-heel logo due to the Jordan factor, but it’s tough to loathe a team that is the heaven to Blue Devil hell. Roy Williams’ arrival made things a bit more difficult, but still, they’re not Duke and that’s the ultimate recommendation.

16. Eastern Kentucky – Love – When Colonel Sanders is your mascot, and the Six Million Dollar Man went to your school, well, what’s not to love?

8. Marquette - Loathe - Have we decided on an official nickname for this team yet?

9. Michigan State - Loathe - It's not your fault MSU. Everyone on ESPN calls you Sparty and, for some reason, that drives me crazy.

5. USC – Loathe – As hard as it is to spurn the Song Girls, I cannot approve of their recent level of success in all sports. Nobody likes a winner.

12. Arkansas - Loathe - I've got nothing against Arkansas. 40 minutes of Hell was way more fun to watch than it sounds, but then you went and put "Hogs" across your rumps, ruining a perfectly fine uniform.

4. Texas – Loathe – Much like Notre Dame and THE OSU, I understand the allure. If I was from Texas I’d probably drive a burnt-orange pick-up. I’m not and I don’t. Like Georgetown, I have a feeling that they’ll be spent after their deep conference tourney.

13. New Mexico State – Love – Reggie Theus has done an amazing job with the Aggies, but it’s really nothing compared to his work with the Deering Tornadoes on Saturday mornings. I mean, they had a girl on the boys varsity team…in Indiana. Talk about tough.

6. Vanderbilt – Love – Another school on my second-life shortlist. Where was my guidance councilor when it came time to choose a school?

11. George Washington – Love – Another “the” school, I’m willing to overlook it due to the fact that the school’s official colors are Buff & Blue? All this time I thought they were gold, but it turns out that’s actually the color of buffalo leather. “Hail to the Buff & Blue” indeed.

3. Washington State – Love – Forget Wisconsin, Wazzu has their own creamery and produces their own brand of cheese: Cougar Gold. Mmmm.

14. Oral Roberts – Loathe – I often wonder what it must be like to be a student athlete at ORU. The school was founded by a televangelist and the students aren’t allowed to lie, curse, steal, gamble or “engage in illicit sex acts,” all things that are virtual requirements for athletes at any other school. Maybe if it was Fulton J. Sheen University I could get behind them, but not here. I’m holding out for Joel Osteen.

7. Boston College – Loathe – If you want major college athletics in Boston, the Eagles are your only bet and I don’t like that. This is probably another football reflection, but I don’t care. One thing in BC’s favor, they’re definitely the only school to have their fight song covered by the Dropkick Murphys.

10. Texas Tech - Love - Anything that results in a Bobby Knight press conference is definitely worth supporting. Break out the whips!

2. Georgetown – Love – Even the University doesn’t know what a Hoya is and somehow that’s reassuring. The most likely explanation is that it’s a combination of Greek and Latin terms, making the word “hoya” the most recognizable term in the Greekin language which, for the record, is second only to Spanglish in terms of linguistic mutts. Love those grey jerseys, but I have a feeling they may have peaked in the Big East tourney.

15. Belmont – Loathe – I don’t want to say that Belmont University has single-handedly ruined country music, but the school’s College of Entertainment and Music Business is probably one of the bloodiest. While Mike Curb didn’t attend, he is one of the university’s primary patrons and anyone who signed Nemesis Rising to a recording contract simply cannot receive my support.

Up Next: the South

Earlier: the West

Love and Loathing in the West Regional

Note: As a wholly obsessive supplement to my latest FOXSports.com column, welcome to Love and Loathing in the NCAA Tournament. The first in a four part series that will provide my totally biased and baseless evaluation of each team in the tournament.

Also known as: "The Last Tournament Breakdown you'll ever need."

Check back daily as I'll be revelaing a new quarter of the bracket in the days leading up to Thursday's tip-off.

WEST

1. Kansas – Loathe - When I was a stupid high school kid, I really wanted to go to Kansas and I can’t quite remember why, but they didn’t offer me anything in terms of money so Creighton it was. That simply cemented my hatred towards the Jayhawks because I already loathed their success and dominance over the Big 8/12. Whether it’s true or not, I’ve always convinced myself that the Sunflower state is full of Jaycats: KU basketball fans and KSU football fans and that simply will not stand.

16. The Play-in Game – Loathe – I really hate this. It just seems cruel to make one of those little guys, making their only nationally televised appearance during Championship week, win their tournament and then celebrate like they’re going to the tournament, only to find out that they have to win one more game for anyone to pay attention.

So sorry...

16A. Niagara – Love – Follow me. Without Niagara there would be no Frank Layden and without Frank Layden there would be no witty repartee with Marv Albert and without witty repartee with Marv Albert there would be no Dazzling Dunks and Basketball Bloopers. Can you live with that? I can’t.

and...

16B. Florida A&M – Love – Whenever there’s a question as to whether the true athletes at the school are on the court or in the band, well, that’s a team for me. Go Rattlers!

8. Kentucky – Love – I love the Commonwealth of Kentucky. Bourbon, burgoo, thoroughbreds, the Rexclamation Point. How could you not?

7. Villanova – Love – See Pitt corollary below. Nova!

5. Virginia Tech – Loathe – If a Hokie sounds ridiculous to you, imagine being a member of the VT swim team, which actually goes by H20kies. The only good thing about VT? Smoked turkey legs.

12. Illinois - Loathe - I'll never forget you Chief Illiniwek.

4. Southern Illinois – Loathe – As Creighton’s primary rival and a team that’s dominated the Jays in the regular season, I have no choice here. But it’s not that hard when you take a look at a saluki and realize it’s one of the ugliest dogs you’ve ever seen. Only thing uglier is SIU’s brand of basketball.

13. College of the Holy Cross – Loathe – Between Shaughnessy and Simmons, both alumni, perhaps no schools has had as much impact on the way an entire region reads about sports than Collegium Sanctae Crucis. With that said, Worcester just doesn’t seem like a very fun place to be.

6. Duke – Loathe – When there’s an entire book, and a great one at that, devoted to Duke hatred, I’m not sure how much more there is to say. That dirty elbow that Coach K tried to cover up is going to derail Carolina, just you watch. Hansbrough didn’t look the same in the ACC tourney.

11. Virginia Commonwealth – Loathe – As I noted last week, aside from their stellar medical school, VCU is perhaps most notable for hosting the largest French Film Festival in the U.S. Is there anything less intimidating than that? Let’s make a deal: if the Rams make it to the Sweet 16 I won’t watch a second of any of the games from that round. Instead, I’ll spend my Thursday and Friday night gagging down surrealist slop.

3. Pitt – Love – I like teams that are better known as abbreviations of their actual name. Simple, short, powerful.

14. Wright State – Love – I was never cool enough to truly like Guided by Voices but I was always impressed by their prolific ability to pump out albums. In 17 years they released somewhere in the neighborhood of 16 albums and as many EPs, making Ryan Adams look even more like a slacker than he already does. The creative leader behind GBV, Robert Pollard, is not only a Wright State alum, he also threw the school’s first no-hitter.

7. Indiana – Love – Two words: striped pants.

10. Gonzaga – Loathe – As a fan of a mid-major, I suppose I should delight in the Zags recent success, but I don’t. I’m just jealous.

2. UCLA – Loathe – Simply a reflection of Bill Walton’s undying affection for the school. Really, if I have to hear one more story about how far out you were back then, I may take action.

15. Weber State – Loathe – In a world full of Wildcats, I can only support one team with that moniker and this one ain’t it. Sorry Harold Arceneaux.

Up Next: the East.