The Morning Walk-Thru - 24 the Hard Way

Z-DAY?...Last night, Carlos Zambrano was reportedly 85-90% sure that Carlos Zambrano wouldn't go to arbitration today with the Cubs, but Gordon Wittenmeyer of the Sun-Times isn't sold. This is a sour turn as I expected to get to lunch today and find that the Cubs had at least appeased Big Z with a 1-year deal.

Now, that may not be the case. Aside from the all the logical reasons the Cubs should just give Zambrano his deal (he's your only reliable pitcher, he actually shows that he cares about winning, he's better than anyone else who'll be available one year from now) perhaps the most important reason is this: Zambrano is as volatile as 30-year-old TNT. To go to court and try to convince an independent party that he's not worth at least the agreed upon mid-point could be particularly damaging for the young flamethrower. Shouldn't the Cubs just continue to let the hand of God destroy their pitching staff rather than doing it themselves?

Z is a little crazy and that's why I love him, but if the two explosive references above weren't enough I'll give you one more: expressing doubt in Carlos' abilities truly is playing with fire.


KU-KSU Still Not a Rivalry...Back in October at Midnight Madness, Bob Huggins claimed that KU-KSU would be a rivalry once the Wildcats ended the Jayhawks 23-game winning streak...in Manhattan. It didn't happen last night. The Jayhawks haven't lost in the Little Apple since before Lucas unleashed Return of the Jedi on the world. Even Nebraska, who has never won an NCAA tournament game and who has lost their two games to the Jayhawks this year by a collective 73-points, has dusted Rock Chalk off at home a couple of times in that period.


K-State was in the game for the most part, but they faded down the stretch in embarrassing fashion. This may have been due to the fact that Huggins looked like he had just gotten of his overnight shift as a croupier at Harrah's in Topeaka, wearing a long-sleeved purple polo under a black vest. Turns out, he's fond of the look.


I knew Vegas wouldn't let me down...Sunday night, I questioned whether or not the Vegas All-Star game had been a bust in terms of debauchery, but the stories are starting to come out and it looks like Pac Man Jones, a place called Minxx (excessive x usage always spells "tawdry"), and Michael Jordan may be involved.


That whole "what happens in Vegas" thing is great for the average Joe looking to lose a weekend in sin, but if you've got any juice whatsoever it should probably read: "What happens in Vegas will be blogged about within the next two days."

LeBron vs. Rey Mysterio?

I had the good fortune while home last weekend to catch a Saturday morning broadcast of Lucha Libre on the local Spanish-language channel. Now I'm not a fan of professional wrestling, but I do love almost all aspects of Mexican culture so I was more than happy to spend my early weekend hours with some modern day luchadores.

My Spanish was strong enough to recognize the phrase mucho macho a few times but mostly I was watching totally unaware of the storylines that might've been unfolding. But that didn't really bother me because where lucha libre succeeds is in the visual aspect. It's actually better than American professional wrestling because there is no pretense that this is actually real. It's entirely a performance, choreographed to look beautiful and inspire awe.

I don't really watch WWE or TNA, but I believe they've pretty much done away with the idea that either are real as well, but there's still an effort to make it look like the punches land. Not so south of the Rio Grande. Kayfabe doesn't exist. Chubby masekd men flew all over the...parallelogram?...in a totally orchestrated fashion and the total suspension of disbelief dumbed things down enough that I really didn't care that the wrestlers were making no effort outside of getting to their next hold or move.

Well, after watching LeBron get undercut by Amare Stoudamire trying to execute a pass-to-self off the backboard in tonight's All-Star game and hearing Doug Collins chastise Stoudamire for not playing along, I realized that the NBA could learn something here: why not script the All-Star game?

Personally, I think the NBA All-Star game is probably the best of the big four simply because basketball lends itself to individual performance. The players are all aware of this, which is why they're all jogging along at that stupid "hey-I'm-cool-and-having-fun" 3/4 speed that is generally reserved for the first four steps after you trip on a crack in the sidewalk. (Y'know, just jog it out and maybe nobody will notice.)

But if that's the case, why even risk letting stupid things like defense and fouls get in the way? Nobody thinks this is a spirited athletic competition, so why not do what lucha libre did and just remove that pretense entirely? I don't want to see failed alley-oops and bothced dunks, that's what the Slam Dunk Contest is for.

So bring in Vince McMahon, get everyone together early Saturday morning and simply write the whole thing out. We'd get a close game, some truly highlight worthy plays and maybe even an actual storyline. Shaq could toss Kobe to the ground and then get smashed with chair from behind by Caron Butler, but it wouldn't faze the Diesel, he'd just turn and give the big-eyed death stare.

This stuff has worked for the Globetrotters for 80+ years, and we're not that far away anyway as I watch Shaq kiss Tracy McGrady. Right now the All-Star game is at a WWE level, but why not take the next step? It's a lot better than watching someone laugh about another flubbed behind-the-back pass.

Other assorted All-Star Game thoughts....

--While everyone else is going for the highlight reel every play, it's nice to see Carmelo Anthony making his mark by knocking down open jumpers. And he's not just hitting them, they're all-nylon. Pretty subdued and respectful 1st-half performance for a guy who needed a tap straight from the Commish just to get in.

--Is it too early to call this year's game a bust in terms of the hype surrounding its location? Aside from one story over on The 700 Level about Bill Walton possibly being drunk on Friday night, the din from Sin City has been about as loud as the MGM lion's roar. I really thought that this would be a second Super Bowl in terms of major media and independent coverage, but there's really been nothing. This weekend seemed tailor-made for Simmons, but ESPN hasn't published anything by their go-to-guy since his "Off to Vegas" post on Wednesday. Either eveyone is still waiting at the airport for a cab or what happens in Vegas actually does stay there.

--I don't love the uniforms, but the all-star warm-up jackets are pretty smooth, but what happened to the playing-card theme? Another missed opportunity.

--And finally, how is it possible that I haven't seen an Elvis impersonator yet? We had that French circus and Wayne Newton and the Rat Pack, but what about the King?!

--I guess the good news is that the West has scored 105 points in just over 31 minutes. It's about the only all-star caliber performance of the night.

Excuse me while I pepper my tongue with lymon paintballs.

Let the debauchery begin...

And we're off. Forget about Flay v. Carrot Top, the NBA has officially arrived in Las Vegas now that we've had our first appearance by Vegas impersonators.

Say what you will about the downfall of this event, it's still the only All-Star skills challenge that's worth watching. Sure the dunk contest only has four contestants who do 2-minute dance routines, but I'm still excited to see Gerald Green. It could be the lone bright spot for the Celtics this year.

Meanwhile, the 3-point contest lost a little luster when Kyle Korver chose charity over attending the greatest weekend in NBA history. He'll be in Omaha tonight signing bobbleheads instead of on the Strip going head-to-head with Gil. I hope it helps Creighton slay the Dragons because I'm not sure it's the choice I would've made and I'd hate to see all that magnanimity go to waste.

In fact, they should probably just give Korver the J. Walter Kennedy Citizenship Award right now. I feel pretty strongly about this. It's about 29-degrees in Omaha right now, you know what it is in Las Vegas? It's who the hell cares, the NBA All-Stars are in town.

Bobby Flay brings it inside a quonset

February sucks. We all know that, and apparently ESPN does too after giving ATH and PTI the week off in favor of NASCAR coverage. Even Tony K. and Michael Wil-bun can't argue if there's nothing happening.

Thankfully, the NBA All-Stars are officially in Vegas and it's a momentous occassion. (I think Scoop Jackson tried to explain just how much this meant today, but I couldn't find an English translation.) I've been excited for this weekend for over a year but now that's it here, I realize that not being there could seriously detract from the experience.

Nevertheless, the absurdity kicks off tonight at Mandalay Bay with the Celebrity Challenge which should be the most competitive game of the entire weekend.

All the usual celbristars are there: Nelly, Bow Wow, Taye Diggs, Donald Faison, Jamie Foxx and Katie Smith. (Oh, you don't think she's a celebrity? Well, she's an all-star...for the WNBA's Detroit Shock!)

But I'm more interested in some of the borderline selections. I've heard that Jonathan Silverman is the "Jewish Pippen" to Tamir Goodman's "Jewish Jordan." Carrot Top is playing in eye liner, which may have been the wise choice for West assistant coach Wayne Newton whose eyes look painfully taut. And who doesn't want to see what kind of ballers LT and Reggie Bush are?

More than any of that, however, I want to see Bobby Flay. I've always suspected the Flay is the biggest prick on the Food Network roster and tonight might be the definitive test. The typical approach to these celbristar games is to take it serious enough to show you've got some game, but not so serious that people think you're pathetic. But Bobby is gonna be the guy who tries to take a charge, wears a t-shirt under his jersey and begs for a blocking call 19-feet from the hoop.

I bet Bobby Flay cares about lane violations.