Ginsoaked Barroom Queens

I happened to be listening to Charlie Walker's cover of "Honky Tonk Women" today, which isn't quite as good as a honky tonk cover of a honky tonk song should be, and I realized that the song's lyrics contain a glaring flaw. Something so egregious only a Briton could've written it.

According to the song, written by Jagger/Richards, they met a gin-soaked barroom queen in Memphis. Yes, Memphis. You know the rest, but we need not go any further to identify the problem. A gin soaked barroom queen? Can't happen, and here's why:

Personally, I find gin superior to vodka in all instances. But in my experiences in bars, including a bit of backing, a little tending and a lot of patronizing, I've found that for the rest of America the inverse is actually true. Vodka martinis and vodka tonics seem much more prevalent on the Yankee palette and that's too bad. Gin has become a drink for stodgy traditionalists and Anglophiles. (I don't blame Mick and Keef for this. Gin has always been Britain's drink. In fact, it nearly destroyed the country in the 18th Century, but the fact that it was so prevalent has always served as its greatest endorsement for me.)

But if you would have a hard time finding any American drinking gin, even in 1969, you would never find a "honky tonk woman" drinking it. Do they stock gin in honky tonks? Let me give you an example, if you were to dress up as a redneck for Halloween, and you were to select an appropriate drink for the evening that would accentuate your costume, what would you select? Here are the four likely choices:

1) Budweiser - The King of Beers and the stereotypical redneck libation. Not sure why this is, but I'm working on it.
2) Jack Daniels - Most people would pick Jack simply because it is the most prevalent American whiskey, although I find Wild Turkey superior. (And in America's continuing misperception of alcoholic beverages, I'll never understand why most people think of Wild Turkey as rot-gut whiskey. It costs the same as Jack and Jim Beam, but every time I order it people screw up their mouths and walk quickly away.)
3) Moonshine - Now we're getting closer.
4) Thunderbird Wine - My favorite pick and serious bonus points for the reference to great songs by Townes Van Zandt and Billy Joe Shaver. The more I think about it, the more this seems like the only pick.

Where does gin rank? About 87th, just ahead champagne but behind Fuzzy Navel wine coolers. I just can't imagine a scenario where your average female patron of a Tennessee honky tonk would be enjoying gin, much less be soaked in it. It doesn't add up and I doubt my enjoyment of this admittedly great song will ever be the same.

That's what happens when you think too hard about thinks like this.